Façades
by Gersemi
Summary: Logan takes Mystique up on the offer she made at Alkali Lake. Kinda Roganish. Coarse language ahead.
1. Guise will be Guise

**Guise Will Be Guise**

_A X-Men Fanfiction_

_**By Gersemi**_

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me, I'm only borrowing.

**Author's Note**: The title was stolen from an episode of Angel The Series.

**Summary**: Post X2. Mystique made an offer at Alkali Lake, and Logan is finally ready to take her up on it. Pain ensues.

**Rating**: R for language, adult themes

**Pairing**: Logan/Other, Logan/Rogue (sort of)

_ Guise Will Be Guise _

Mystique has always wanted him.

To Logan, that has never been a secret. He has heightened senses, after all. He first picked it up during their fight on Liberty Island. Ironically, he'd sensed it right after she'd kicked him in the balls, and didn't that just take the cake. She'd smelled wet and hot and ready and in any other situation Logan would've had her up against the wall and would've fucked her brains out. But as it was, he was too preoccupied with kicking her ass into next week.

When she slipped into his tent that night at Alkali Lake, wearing Jeannie's face, he should have known. He should have noticed she smelled wrong, that she wouldn't come to him that night, not after what she had told him outside. But he was a little too lovelorn to notice.

The scars were a dead give-away, though. And that night in the tent, he hated her. Not for showing up looking like Jean, not for donning Storm's features, not even for trying to kill him on a regular basis.

He hated her for tempting him with Rogue.

When she had looked down at him with Marie's chocolate eyes, all sorts of promises in their depths, Logan had been tempted, so much that it scared him shitless. He didn't throw her out because he didn't want her. He threw her out because he knew that he'd make her wear his little Marie's face while he fucked her.

And he didn't know whom he hated more – her or himself.

Then one day, three months after Alkali Lake, he stumbles across Mystique in one of his favourite bars about an hour's drive from Westchester. Saying he's surprised would be an understatement if there ever was one. He never took her to be the social type.

When she walks up to him with a pretty face and blond hair, he ignores her. Ignores her snide remarks about their mission. He even ignores her when she talks about Jean because, doesn't that lead to all kinds of uncomfortable places. But when she starts on Rogue, he finds his hand around her throat before a single thought has even formed in his head.

"Don't ever say her name again."

She merely smirks at him, challenge in her voice and heat between her thighs. "Sore spot?"

"No," he'd growls. "You simply don't get to say her name."

"Would you please let go? I'll have to scream." Sweetest smile on earth. Makes him want to wipe it off her face. He lets go and she rubs her neck. "My, my. I bet you like it rough."

He doesn't grace her with an answer, just gets up and moves to leave. He's almost at the door when he hears her voice over the music.

"I could be her, you know?"

Mutants aren't really an eyebrow-raiser in this part of the country but a few heads turn when the claws come out.

Laughter drifts across the room, laughter like honey and milk, and his hands, clenched into fists, tremble.

God, it's so tempting.

But this time, he retracts the claws, opens the door and steps outside. Takes a deep breath, walks to his motorcycle and drives away. Her laughter still ringing in his ears.

Two weeks later, he meets her again. This time, he picks up on her scent as soon as she steps through the door. She walks over to him, her hips swaying, and he realises she wears Rogue's eyes.

His knuckles itch.

She gets herself a drink and slides into his booth, smiling knowingly. "Hi there, handsome."

"What d'you want?"

She takes a sip and smiles, gesturing at him. "Can't I sit with an old buddy for a drink?" He just raises his eyebrow at that, and she laughs harshly. Then her tone turns silky. "You know exactly what I want."

Her foot sneaks up his thigh then, and he shifts in his seat. For a second, Rogue's features flicker across her face, but then it's another woman again, a different woman with big, chocolate-coloured eyes that hold promises of things he doesn't dare dream of.

He downs his beer in one go.

"You up to it?"

It's a challenge, and he doesn't know whether he wants to refuse her. Hell, he should. He should either hand her over to the X-geeks or just high-tail it out of there.

But he does neither.

"I am. But under one condition."

"I'm all ears." Her foot moves up higher, and he shifts again.

"You tell anyone about this and I'll rip your fuckin' throat out, take a picture and hang it on my bedroom wall."

Mystique smirks. "Whatever floats your boat, sweetie."

"And one more thing. You don't talk. Ever."

Her foot finds its goal then, and his eye twitches a little. She tilts her head to the side, smiling softly. "We have a deal." And she changes, blond hair turning brown and white.

Logan thought his dirty, dirty little secret would be safe. No one really notices when he returns from his bar trips smelling like smoke and alcohol and sex, and no one really cares either because he's Logan and getting drunk and having one-nighters is what Logan does.

But one night, after he almost killed Mystique for whispering his name in Rogue's voice, Ororo finds him in the kitchen, crying his eyes out in self-disgust. And when he later fucks her on the kitchen counter, he wants nothing more than to put his knuckles to his head and just fucking end it all.

Ororo never mentions it afterwards and he hates himself even more for that. Because now he's not only hurt himself, he's hurt a friend.

Two months into their 'thing', he finds himself fucking her against the wall of the ladies' room at a dingy little bar 20 minutes from the mansion. He knows he shouldn't let her get this close to the place he calls home now, but she found him sooner than he'd expected.

She's holding on to the toilet stall, making it rattle with their movements. Her harsh pants fill the small room, echoing off the tiled walls, filling his senses. Clouding his mind so much that he doesn't hear the door opening and closing again. Doesn't hear the sound of boots on the tile floor, the little surprised gasp that falls from full lips.

But his mind becomes frighteningly clear when he hears that voice.

"Logan!"

End 


	2. Through the Looking Glass

**Through The Looking Glass**

_A X-Men Fanfiction_

_**By Gersemi**_

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me, I'm only borrowing.

**Author's Note**: Contains a little Jean bashing, and I really don't know how it happened. I don't even hate Jean that much. She just makes me darn mad sometimes, and watching X2 before writing this did not help much with that. Anyway. Apologies.

**Summary**: Sequel to "Guise Will Be Guise". Rogue's POV.

**Rating**: R for language, adult themes; Angst with a little Mush

**Pairing**: Logan/Rogue (sort of), Rogue/Other

_ Through The Looking Glass _

It's weird, you know. Walking into a room and finding yourself already there.

And, fucking Logan at that. Now that really came as a surprise.

The first thing I notice is how nice Logan's ass looks. Not that I haven't noticed before, but seeing him butt-naked, so to speak, that's a first. I know what you're thinking, how could she know it was Logan by looking at his ass? Well, that's not what gave him away, of course. He's wearing the leather jacket I gave him for Christmas.

The woman he's, um, _with _is holding onto the toilet stall with one hand, making it rattle. God, his ears must hurt from that. For a second there I'm confused. Why is she brunette? Wouldn't he go for someone with red hair?

But then she raises her head and looks at me and my heart skips a beat. The woman is me. She winks at me and twists her gloved fingers into his hair, her white streak falling into her eyes.

I know I should keep the fuck quiet, turn around and leave. But I can't. This image will remain burned into my brain for the rest of my life, and before I can stop myself, his name tumbles from my lips.

"Logan!"

He darts back so fast he falls flat on his ass, and oh, I should not look there. Eyes averted, check. Not that I don't know what he looks like down there, but seeing it from inside his head and actually _seeing _it are two completely different things.

The woman laughs throatily, and I recognise her voice, know who she is before she changes back into Mystique, yellow eyes blazing. "Oh, this is going to be just _great_!"

I stare at her, buying Logan some time to get dressed. But before I can turn to him, speak to him, he's swept past me, leaving me and Mystique behind.

She grins, then dons a disappointed face. "I could give you my number. Would you let me know what he tells you?"

I just stare at her for a second more, then follow Logan. He's gone.

And only when Mystique brushes past me, now wearing someone else's face, do I realise what just happened.

Logan went to Mystique for sex.

He went to her so he could fuck me.

_( ° ) ( ° ) ( ° ) _

Scott and Ororo are seated on either side of me, Ororo staring down at the table in disbelief and Scott running a nervous hand through his hair.

"We should tell the professor."

I choke on a laugh. "What exactly would we tell him? That Logan 'fraternises' with the enemy, or that he fucked a student?"

Scott flinches at the harsh language but recovers quickly. "He didn't. It wasn't you."

"Oh yeah, that makes me feel so much better." My eyes are sore, red-rimmed after an hour of crying. I still can't believe he'd do that to me...

"I knew he was no good from the second he..."

"You know what, Scott? Fuck you. You don't know shit about Logan, so save your Fearless Leader crap for someone who actually gives a damn. And if anybody has the right to bitch about him, it's me, not you." I slam the glass I was holding down on the table, pointing a finger at Scott. "I didn't see him fucking you against that wall." And here we go again with the tears.

Storm pats my back, and I'm surprised that she seems to be a little awkward about it. If I expected anyone to be calm and controlled about this, my bet would've been with 'Ro.

I wipe my eyes, staring into my glass. "I need to talk to him. Sort it out. There must be some sort of explanation for this."

"Maybe it's because he's an asshole."

"Scott, leave it. I need to talk to him, now." I get up, but Scott grabs my arm.

"Rogue, you're not thinking clearly now."

"Like hell I am! The one man I thought would never intentionally hurt me has been fucking Mystique on a regular basis because he couldn't fuck me. What the hell am I supposed to do about that?"

Scott just shrugs lamely, then says, "How about listening to me for once?"

"Oh Scott, don't. I know you like to think that Logan always is the one to blame, but that's just not true. You wanna live in your little fantasy world where Jean stood passively and Logan was the only one doing anything wrong? Well, here's your wake up call – Jean was just as responsible for all that shit as Logan was. But no one ever dares talk about it because it's Jean and she was so perfect and never could do any wrong and now she's fuckin' dead and no one is _ever_ gonna speak about it. Shit, Scott, if anybody knows how much of an asshole Logan can be, it's me." I tap my temple with two fingers. "I have him in here. You just don't like him because he's everything you aren't."

He's staring at me, speechless. God, I know that was harsh. But he had it coming.

"And now let go of my arm before I have to hurt you."

Never have I seen him move that fast, not even in a combat situation. Must have really freaked him out.

Logan's not in his room. The door to the Danger Room has been locked. I could sit here and wait till he comes out. I don't.

_( ° ) ( ° ) ( ° ) _

I know I said I wanted to talk to him, but somehow I didn't dare seek him out. Yes, I was scared of what would happen.

How it would change what's between us.

So I sit in the rec room later that night, swathed in darkness, waiting for him. I half expected him to run. Surprises me that it took him so long to sneak out, really.

I watch from my place in the shadows as he listens at the top of the stairs, hoists his duffel bag over his shoulder and silently walks down. He's halfway at the door when I speak.

"You running again?"

He freezes. Doesn't turn around. Doesn't even move an inch.

"I thought more of you than that."

Still no response, and I get up slowly. He flinches as he hears me move but doesn't move away. I cross the distance between us on bare feet, the thick carpet of the rec room replaced by the cold wooden floor of the lobby. I lean against the wall next to him, arms behind my back.

My hands are naked.

"Why?"

He looks away, moves the strap of his bag on his shoulder. He'd rather be anywhere else right now, it's clear as daylight.

"Logan."

Now he looks at me, his face blank. "You're hot. It was... just sex." He's lying, and we both know it.

I reach out, slipping my hand into his.

The connection is open long enough before he even realises what happens, and we both sink to the floor, panting harshly. Tears come to my eyes at the confusion now filling my head.

_ You fucking bastard... I'm so sorry, kid... love you... let me go... should've... gotta leave... God, I'm sorry... can't leave... forgive me... love you... don't look at me... let me stay... Marie, I'm sorry... make me leave... I love you... _

"God, Logan!" My nails dig into the wood as I try to make sense of all that's going on in my head. One thing goes through my mind again and again.

_I love you._

"Marie..."

"Don't!" He reaches for me, but I move away. "Get the fuck away from me." A growl builds deep inside me but I force it back.

He rises, picks up his bag. "Do you... d'you want me to go?"

I glare at his boots for a while. Then, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Tears fall from my face and pool on the cold floor.

He hesitates, but then he leaves, quietly.

I wipe the tears from my face and rise. Somewhere a TV is on, and I can hear Jubes and Kitty giggling upstairs in their room.

I need a beer.

_( ° ) ( ° ) ( ° ) _

Time passes.

_Six months._ I date Remy for a while. He's too much like Logan – too wild, too unpredictable. I break it off.

_A year._ I learn to control my mutation. Scott poses as guinea pig, as his can be controlled rather easily if you expect it.

Scott has always been like an older brother. We also shared the envy for those who could control their mutations, so I fear things might change between us if I learn to control mine. But Scott gives me that reassuring smile of his, takes my arm and pulls my glove off.

I guess that is the starting point. Our relationship changes then. We move from friendship to not-quite-lovers-yet. It scares me a little.

But then - Scott is as far from Logan as you can get.

We go on a date after that. I still have to wear his spare visor, and it's a little running gag, us going out in partner look.

_18 months._ We move in together. I feel safe. My inner Logan hasn't spoken up for months. Scott is sweet and caring.

He's not Logan.

_Two years, three months._ Scott proposes. I accept.

_Two years, three months, one week. _Logan returns.

_( ° ) ( ° ) ( ° ) _

I'm in the shower, and yet I can hear the hum of the motorcycle, the crunch of gravel as he comes up to the mansion. Suddenly the water is freezing, and I turn it off, leaning my head against the cool tiles.

Scott's in bed, reading, as I come out of the bathroom. He looks up and smiles. "Hey."

I smile lamely. "Hey." The urge to call him Scooter surfaces, and I bite my tongue. "I, um, I'll get something from the kitchen, I'm a little hungry. Want anything?"

He puts down his book and grins, reaching for me and pulling me onto the bed. "Aside from you?"

I roll my eyes. "Later, honey." I kiss the top of his head.

Once outside, I have to lean against the wall, taking a deep breath. This should not affect me this strongly. It's just Logan. Just Logan.

I hesitate at the top of the stairs. I don't know if I want to see him, what I'll do when I see him. But the decision is taken from me when the door to Charles' study opens and Logan steps out.

He looks just like he did that night. He wears the same jacket, the same bag slung over his shoulder. His hair is a little longer. He looks tired.

I'm suddenly very conscious of my near-naked state, only dressed in a bathrobe, a towel slung around my wet hair.

His hand rests on the doorknob as his eyes travel up the stairs, up my body, and then he meets my eyes. I swallow around the lump in my throat.

"Hey kid."

I want to turn around and run, back to Scott, into his warm, soft, safe embrace. Away from this fierce, wild man in front of me. My legs don't obey me.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Logan. You should know that better than anyone."

He winces a little and gives me crooked smile. "Had that coming, don't I."

I walk down the stairs slowly, pulling the towel from my hair along the way. The damp locks fall down, into my face. I stop in front of him, look up to meet his eyes. "Yes." Then I turn around and walk to the kitchen.

_Don't follow me. Please don't._

He follows me. I try to ignore him as I open the fridge and rummage inside. The I freeze as he reaches into the fridge, coming closer than he should, and takes out a beer.

"Never pegged you for a Molson girl."

"Must be your bad influence."

He chuckles and sits at the counter, opening his beer. He drinks silently for a while as I continue to rummage in the fridge, then, "Chuck told me you and Scooter got engaged."

My breath catches in my throat. Thanks, Charles. Thank you so much. Why should I want to tell him myself.

I pick some fruit and juice and put it on the counter, looking up at him. "We did. Last week."

He nods once. "How long've you been together?"

"A little over a year." I take a bowl and glass from the cupboard. "Since I learned to control my mutation."

He raises his eyebrow at that. "You... You can control it?"

I roll my eyes. This is so typical of Charles. Leave out the good part. "Yeah." My voice is softer than I expected, and I close my eyes against the tears.

He puts down his beer and walks over to me, reaching out to touch me, but he stops. His arm falls to his side. "I'm so sorry, Marie."

"I know." Wiping at my eyes, I smile crookedly. "Got you up there, haven't I."

"Do you hate it?"

His voice is so gentle, so soothing, and I almost forget what happened in the last two years. I want to sink into his arms and never let him go. But I can't.

"Sometimes. But... you're not speaking to me anymore." I fumble with my spoon for a second. "Not since I... since I started dating Scott."

He moves away from me suddenly, and I look up to see Scott standing in the doorway. He looks about ready to blast Logan into oblivion, and I move between them without noticing.

"You're back." His voice is hard, and I pass a soothing hand over his arm.

"Well spotted." Logan picks up his beer again and leans against the counter, toasting to us. "You're a lucky one, Scooter. Get all the good girls."

Scott trembles, and I squeeze his hand. "Why don't you take the food and I'll be upstairs in a minute?" I smile at him, gently pushing him towards the door.

He looks at me, his eyes serious behind his glasses. "Be careful." Then he leaves.

Logan puts his now empty beer bottle in the sink, not looking at me. "Got him just as whipped as Jeannie did."

I sigh. "Why did you come here, Logan?"

"Chuck had some info for me he didn't want to send via mail. I came to pick it up." Now he looks at me. "Are you happy?"

I give him a sad smile. "Yes."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I guess that would be better for all of us."

He nods and picks up his bag. When he's at the door he stops. "I still love you."

Tears drip onto my robe, and I don't speak again until I hear the front door closing. "I love you, Logan."

The END


	3. Hold Me

**Hold Me**

_A X-Men Fanfiction_

_**By Gersemi**_

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me, I'm only borrowing.

**Author's Note**: I was finished with this, filed away never to see the light of day again. But because Kate and Ali over at WRFA asked so nicely, I came up with an alternate chappie (don't be surprised, it starts off exactly like TTLG). Now, where's my chocolate-covered Logan? Hm? 

**Summary**: Alternate version of "Through The Looking Glass". Rogue's POV.

**Rating**: R for language, adult themes

* * *

_And that which spites me more than all these wants,_

_He does it under name of perfect love;_

_As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,_

'_Twere deadly sickness or else present death._

_(Katharina The Taming of the Shrew)_

_

* * *

_

It's weird, you know. Walking into a room and finding yourself already there.

And, fucking Logan at that. Now that really came as a surprise.

The first thing I notice is how nice Logan's ass looks. Not that I haven't noticed before, but seeing him butt-naked, so to speak, that's a first. I know what you're thinking, how could she know it was Logan by looking at his ass? Well, that's not what gave him away, of course. He's wearing the leather jacket I gave him for Christmas.

The woman he's, um, _with_ is holding onto the toilet stall with one hand, making it rattle. God, his ears must hurt from that. For a second there I'm confused. Why is she brunette? Wouldn't he go for someone with red hair?

But then she raises her head and looks at me and my heart skips a beat. The woman is me. She winks at me and twists her gloved fingers into his hair, her white streak falling into her eyes.

I know I should keep the fuck quiet, turn around and leave. But I can't. This image will remain burned into my brain for the rest of my life, and before I can stop myself, his name tumbles from my lips.

"Logan!"

He darts back so fast he falls flat on his ass, and oh, I should not look there. Eyes averted, check. Not that I don't know what he looks like down there, but seeing it from inside his head and actually _seeing _it are two completely different things.

The woman laughs throatily, and I recognise her voice, know who she is before she changes back into Mystique, yellow eyes blazing. "Oh, this is going to be just _great_!"

I stare at her, buying Logan some time to get dressed. But before I can turn to him, speak to him, he's swept past me, leaving me and Mystique behind.

She grins, then dons a disappointed face. "I could give you my number. Would you let me know what he tells you?"

I just stare at her for a second more, then follow Logan. He's gone.

And only when Mystique brushes past me, now wearing someone else's face, do I realise what just happened.

Logan went to Mystique for sex.

He went to her so he could fuck me.

* * *

When I return to the mansion, Scott tells me that Logan locked himself up in the Danger Room without saying a single word to anybody. "Do you know where he was? Did anything happen?" I can almost see his eyes behind the glasses, serious, concerned.

I force a smile on my face. "Nah. I'll go talk to him."

My lip is raw where I have been biting it for the last half hour, and when I reach the door to the Danger Room, I can taste the hint of blood. Breathing deeply, I enter his code number, and watch as the doors slide open.

I'm not at all surprised to see he has programmed the Danger Room's bots to look like Mystique. He acknowledges my presence with a quick glance over his shoulder, then he dives back into the fight, and he doesn't stop until she's dead on the ground.

I can't help but admire him a little as I watch. He stands over her, panting, sweaty, still high-wired. Then, "What'd'you want, kid?"

I hate it when he calls me 'kid'. I'm 21, I'm not the lanky 16-year-old he picked up in Canada anymore. "Don't call me that."

He throws a look over his shoulder, only for a fleeting second, and I can't place the look in his eyes. "Computer, end program." Mystique vanishes, and he turns to me. "Why?"

"I'm not a kid anymore, Logan. I haven't been a kid in a long time." My voice trembles. "Why won't you see that?"

Silence as he wipes his face with a towel. Then, "Who are you, then?"

I feel how my face settles into a passive mask at his question, and my voice is stronger than it should be. "Well, if you have to ask – I'm Rogue."

My heart breaks as I turn to go, but I don't get far. He's grabbed my arm and spun me around before I can form a thought, and he holds me by the shoulders, staring at me with an intensity that makes me cringe. "You're not Rogue. You're Marie."

I try wriggling out of his grasp, but to no avail. "For fuck's sake, Logan! I haven't been Marie for 5 years!" I look up at him, swallowing around the lump in my throat. "Let me go, you wouldn't understand anyway."

"What wouldn't I understand?"

How can he be so calm? But then I realise that I'm too calm myself. After what I witnessed in that dingy little bar, I should raving, screaming, scratching his eyes out. Crying till I fell asleep. But for some reason, I can't conjure the energy to do so. I know it would be futile.

My voice is small when I speak. "You left me. You went away, and you left me behind. And when you came back, you only had eyes for her." And then I notice the wetness on my cheeks, and I can't remember starting to cry. "You didn't call me Marie anymore, so I stopped being her."

He frees my arms, and I stumble back, angrily wiping at my eyes. "I didn't... I never meant to..."

"No, you didn't mean to. You never mean to. But you do it, anyway." I glare at him. "I said you wouldn't understand. YOU were the only one here who made me Marie. None of the others knew, and when you left, she left with you." I swallow. "Now I know where you took her."

The bar. The bathroom. Forbidden touches in backseats or motel rooms, faked memories.

"Why?" The question is barely above a whisper, and Logan turns his face away as though I slapped him.

"I..." He chokes on the words, and moves away from me. "I'd better leave."

Anger seizes me, and I grab his arm. "You're not getting out of this! At least tell me – why?" I don't want to sound so desperate, but if anything, he owes me this.

He looks ready to crawl out of his skin, but he faces me and looks at me. "I... I wanted you. More than I ever wanted Jeannie. More than I remember ever wanting anyone."

You could knock me over with a feather right now.

"But... You were so young. You are so young."

"Why Mystique?"

He wipes a hand over his eyes, looking incredibly tired. "When we were at Alkali Lake... She came into my tent, looking like Jean. She thought she could fool me. I sent her away. But she... she changed. Into you."

That _bitch_.

"And when we came back here and she renewed her offer... God, I'm so sorry, Marie, I never meant..."

"For me to find out?"

"No. I never meant to betray you. Because... Because I love you."

Remember the feather thing? Here it is again.

We stand in silence for too long, and he's the first to move. "I... I better go now."

He's at the door, the metal moving aside to let him pass, when I find my voice again. "Please stay." My breath hitches in my throat, and I burst into fresh tears, sinking to my knees. "Don't leave me, please don't..."

He catches me as I fall forward, hard sobs shaking my body, and I cry into his chest for a long time.

Once my breathing has evened and I have regained an inkling of control, I move back, away from him.

"What do you want from me?"

I look up at him, and for once all his shields are down. His eyes are sincere, his emotions clearly visible on his face.

I was being honest. He hurt me more than I could imagine anybody could hurt me, but I still need him.

I still love him.

"Give me time." He nods, and I smile a little. "And until I'm ready for whatever will happen... Hold me. Just hold me."

And when he takes me into his arms again, I'm pretty certain that it won't be long before I will forgive him.

The END


End file.
